Somehow I thought adulthood would be more social…
…late nights spent laughing and drinking with friends around a table littered with empty wine-stained glasses, bread crumbs, and wax candles burned down to their nubs.
Maybe there would be vacations with other families and annual “Girls’ Weekend”s spent with half a dozen other women – shopping, laughing, indulging in spa treatments, strengthening our bonds of sisterhood. Establishing our tribe.
Maybe I’m the victim of too many movies. Or too much Facebook. Because I know these things are happening – I mean, I see them on social media, so they must be true! #right? #happyshinypeople
And yet, they appear to be happening without me. #wahh #fomo
I try to be a part of the fun…
…an instigator, an inviter, a set-it-up-er.
I have tried setting up dinners out, game nights, Supper Club, Book Club, weekends away, camping trips, concerts, shopping trips, baking classes, exercise classes, writing groups…
I’ve asked folks to join me – in classes like baking or art or exercise – to go to concerts or play tennis or ride horses, meet me at the kids’ or local schools’ sporting events…
I’ve texted friends to go on walks, meet for breakfast, coffee, bike rides, or to come have a glass of coffee/tea/wine on my deck or my couch and talk…
But most of the time I am alone.
I know I am generally an introvert and am not afraid of spending time alone…has that come back to haunt me? Is this of my own doing? A case of making my bed and now having to lay in it?
[Note: I have a loving partner who, thankfully, loves to do most of this – and more – with me. I am deeply thankful for him. But there are times when a woman wants to hang with the sisters, you know?]
Pardon Me, Do I Smell Bad?
I mean, I am beginning to wonder, am I doing something wrong?
Am I less likable than I imagine?
Do I flake on people constantly? (I know I tend to lateness, is that it? Have I been late one too many times and now you’re like Screw her tardy ass!)
Am I unknowingly mean or critical?
Do I have poor personal hygiene I am unaware of?
Do I talk too loudly? Too much? Too inappropriately?
Do I seem boastful or egocentric?
Does my house smell like catbox?
Do I complain too much? Am I too critical?
Don’t I listen well?
I feel like I am a good person with good hygiene.
I strive to be a good listener, I think I am polite and funny, non-judgmental.
I pay my own way and can be generous.
Am I missing something?
Taking Things Personally
Not too long ago a family member disappeared from my Facebook feed. I looked for them once I noticed their posts weren’t showing up every day like they had previously.
Were we still “friends?” Had I been “unfriended”?
It appeared that way like I had been blocked. I could no longer find their page.
Huh. I wonder what I did or said, I thought.
Turns out, I hadn’t done anything! They had taken a Facebook break and suspended their account.
The funny thing is, I wasn’t the only one taking it personally and thinking I had done something to offend them. When they came back online their first post back was filled with comments from their other friends saying Oh good, I thought I had done or said something to offend you!
It was reassuring to see others felt the same way, that they had also taken it personally.
Maybe I am over-reacting, taking it too personally.
I mean, maybe we are all just really busy.
In other words, maybe it’s not me.
But what if it is?