Imagine you are back in high school – those days of extreme volatility and insecurity…
One afternoon I was hanging out after school with my girlfriend. We were at the deserted quad, waiting on a ride home from one of our parents. We were goofing around, laughing, and gossiping the way high school girls do.
And then, we spotted him. My bad boy crush. He was walking down from the upper quad and headed towards us.
He was probably coming from detention…#socool
Miraculously he stopped to talk to us – did my friend call him over? did I? the memory escapes me like…well, you’ll see.
In any event, he stopped to say Wassup to us. Or whatever the 1980s version of that was.
Hey. Hi. What are you doing here? (I wasn’t the detention type.)
I moved over and sat on a low wooden bench perched over a small patch of dead grass and dirt. My butt was on the bench and my feet were in the dirt patch in front of me. The conversation was awkward and stalled, as they can be when the bad boy you like (and who knows you like him) is sitting there in front of you, trying to determine how cool you are and what he wants to do with you…if anything.
I’m sure I was nervous. He was older, ran with the wild crowd. I think I was a freshman. Low on the social totem pole, so for him to stop to pay attention to me was, at the time, exhilarating.
To fill the quiet my girlfriend pointed out a squirrel and said something funny…
We all laughed and as I did I slipped from the small bench and landed in the dirt and when I landed…
There was a moment when no one said anything. We all just stopped and looked at each other.
Did that just happen? Did she just fart? Did I just fart?
To be fair, it was a cute little “poot”, not a true ripper.
But I heard it. She heard it.
He heard it.
“Well,” he said, standing up, “I gotta go. See ya.”
And away he went. Never to be spoken to again.
I thought I was looking like this:
When I was really looking like this:
Man, I am glad I am not a teenager anymore!