Fearless Writing Challenge, Day 57: Going Deeper

It’s been about a week since I found out I didn’t get the Big Job.

You know, it’s really okay, because it wasn’t exactly what I was trying to manifest anyways. They don’t have an office in France NOR a flexible schedule, which was the most important thing I wanted.

Well, one of the top three, anyways.

Here’s proof, I came across this in a pile from a couple of months ago:

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The reality is this:  I’ve come to the conclusion I’ve been focusing on manifesting the totally wrong thing. #staywithme

In order to explain my thinking, I have to go back to the beginning,  to a little over two and a half years ago when I realized I wanted needed had to do more writing.

I had to figure out a way to do that, so I worked part-time for a year and then I took money out of my 401(k), took the plunge, and bet the house on myself. #allofit

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Totally scary.

I started with OK, I’m gonna work part-time and write part-time and that was enough to make me seem a little edgy and like hey she’s really going for it!

 

Then I got to: I’m gonna be a freelance writer full-time –  I’m gonna write news articles, and magazine articles and I’m gonna write copy. And I went for it!

But I couldn’t find a “niche.”

You’re supposed to have a “niche.”

And a “why.”

 

Maybe the reason why I can’t decide on a niche, why the work isn’t flowing, why I’m not landing the jobs I’m going after is because I’m not doing the real writing I need to do.

And by that, I mean my personal stuff.

I feel like I haven’t gone deep enough. Like I haven’t  gotten to the core of the issue.

But the deeper I go, the more afraid I am that somebody is going to call me out as being a shit writer.

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And if I’m a shit writer then what the fuck am I doing?

If I’m honest with myself, I want to be an author, not a newspaper reporter. Or a copywriter.

If I write for other people I don’t write for myself. The poem a day is getting me into it, and the fearless writing challenge is getting me into it and it’s all definitely juicing me up.

 

But then I read other people’s writing and it’s so good and I think Fuck! I’m delusional and I’ve been delusional this whole time.

Am I completely delusional? 

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For now, I’m not worried about it (ha! did you read yesterday’s post? I bet you thought you got me, huh?)

I’m just sitting with it. Letting it simmer, and seeing what I come up with.

In open curiosity,

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3 thoughts on “Fearless Writing Challenge, Day 57: Going Deeper

  1. Loretta says:

    Perfect…perfect…perfect. We need to write for ourselves. I heard somewhere that it’s not about being a great writer, it’s about telling a great story. YOUR story is the best one to share…in my opinion 😉

  2. Hunida says:

    I want you to know that I really do think your writing is NOT shit and I agree that when you write for yourself and not for anybody else the words come out the best.

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