Fearless Writing Challenge; Day 41: What I Wanted But Didn’t Get


What is it you want? He asked me time and time again. Over and over until all I wanted was for him to stop asking.

Later, in the darkness of hurt feelings and the stillness of unanswered questions, I wondered too What do I want? 

The first responses came easily…health, happiness, financial security, love, family.


The next round took more time.






The next round took longer still.

I want you, I said aloud to his silent back, to hold me and tell me it will all be ok when I need it the most. 

I want you to understand it is just my nature to do things the hard way, to go against the grain.

I want you, I say, to push forward with me. 

beside me

instead of against me. 

I am so thankful that I have exactly this….now.

With someone else.

Discovering this piece nine years later – five since I left – and realizing I have this is so powerful.

Don’t give up.

Don’t settle.

I truly believe (now) you get what you put up with.

You have to value yourself before you will find someone who values you.

Even though it pains me to re-live the bad relationship I was in there was good that came from it too – my children, above and beyond all else.

But also a strength and intolerance for mistreatment that I didn’t have until I had had enough and left…and survived.

In gratitude,