Sorry Dear Readers, but the best I can do tonight is another list.
I have several “better” ideas, for more in-depth posts, but I haven’t felt motivated to talk about donating a kidney to my sister, or the time I got a standing ovation in Venice, or the exercise we did in graduate school where everyone stood in a circle and told the person next to them what they wanted to hear from their parents when they were children.
See? I have good ideas, really!
But tonight…another list. #sorry
So here you go:
5 Things I Am Not Afraid of Anymore
- Getting old. Which is not to say I love it, but I am not afraid of it. Life and death have shown me that growing old is a gift not bestowed on everyone. I have lived long enough to know people who died in their teens, twenties, thirties, and forties. In fact, there are several around my age who have recently taken their own lives. I have friends with serious, life-threatening illnesses. If I grow old and creaky and wrinkly I will consider myself one of the lucky ones.
- Spiders. Now this will come as a major change to those who have known me for a while. Now, let me be clear, if your idea of a spider is a very large hairy Tarantula kind of thing, then yeah, I’m still afraid. BUT, creepy garden spiders don’t SCARE me the way they used to – as long as I don’t walk through thier webs. And, even more incredible, I have even escorted spiders out of the house gently…In fact, just the other day I relocated a fairly substantial spider that had taken up residence (and grown) in our garage door opener thingy. So there’s that. #progress
- Things I can’t control. Having children definitely helped me get over this, because as they grow up there is an element of letting go that must take place. They become their own people, with their own challenges and goals and priorities. In order for them to grow into the complete, unique humans they are destined to be, you must let them experience life – the highs, the lows, the tragedies and sorrows as well as the highs, the joys, the exceptional moments that make life the beautiful adventure it is. Meditation helps too.
- Failure. I have failed so many times. And still I rise. Seriously…I have come up short in my dreams for my track career, I have failed at two marriages, I have struggled with careers and jobs and finding something meaningful and lucrative, I have tried to get any number of businesses off the ground – writing workshops, freelancing (once before this round…), a career counseling biz – I wrote a book, I’ve started blogs and websites. Each “failure” gets easier, is less of a heartbreak, because at least I am going for it. At least I am trying, leaping, stretching, and there are so many who don’t, can’t, won’t leave their mediocre marriages, jobs, or whatever, and complain or “wish they could” try something new or go for their dreams. Ugh. Really, you have got to go for it!!!
- People reading my writing. Honestly, until I was about 35 there were only a few (like two or three) people who I had let read my writing, even though I had been writing poetry since I was 9 or 10. But when my high school boyfriend was murdered, I felt compelled to share his story and the woman who produced my short radio clip was very encouraging. Which led to another radio clip, and then attending a poetry writing workshop with some incredibly welcoming, encouraging, and talented women, which led to more courage and more positive feedback, etc. It’s been a long road, but totally worth it.
Tell me, what are you no longer afraid of?