It’s Only Money

I just did something very irresponsible.

For Maya.

She better like it!

It was expensive, more than I can afford. But I did it anyways.

You ever do something like that? Just a spur of the moment, impulsive action because it seems right?

This has been an interesting week – a former student of mine who was just a teen lost his life to leukemia. And another young child Maya’s age passed away too.

And I have a dear friend who has breast cancer (thankfully she is kicking it’s ass!) and a lifelong friend’s dad passed away unexpectedly a few weeks ago.

It’s just money.

I have some retirement savings. Not much, but some, which is better than nothing. It’s not enough to retire on, and it’s not really even enough to let me breathe easy, but it’s something.

And I contribute a tiny bit to a 401k. I have a permanent position at the county which is steady employment.

My pap smear and my mammogram both came back clean.

I guess I feel like celebrating life a little. Taking a chance. Opening my tight fist so that money can flow out…AND IN.

Normally if I had spent like this I would be a tight ball of anxiety. I’d be in the middle of a sweaty bout of buyer’s remorse.

Not today. Not this month.

I’m not being irresponsible – I haven’t gone out and bought the red soled Louboutin’s I will buy when I’m a best-selling author. Or the closet full of cashmere I really want.

I’m giving my daughter an amazing, affirming experience and calling it Christmas and Birthday and Momma Love all rolled into one.

And I’m heart and hand open for the abundance that will come my way to fill the empty wallet. Because nature abhors a vacuum, right?

Because life is to be lived and we all deserve to have fun with our peeps while we can.

With heart and hand open,
Jessica

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