Hello Dear Reader,
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? So much has been going on. Major life changes, a full summer, back to school and work, the second anniversary of my mom’s death and an even greater shift within me.
Those of you who know me well know that I love my solitude. I crave it. It sustains me.
The funny thing is, now I have a little bit more of it than I am used to I am having a difficult time adjusting. It has thrown me for a loop. So, as is my nature, I have been looking into this dis-content. Why, if I adore solitude so much, am I not enjoying the extra time to myself?
Because I am lonely. And I don’t want to be. I don’t like being lonely. I try to fill the time, that precious, hollow, fertile time that I have historically craved so deeply…I just want it filled.
Ah yes, welcome to the flip side.
That’s where I am. I am on the flip side. Loneliness is the flip side of solitude. Loneliness, right now, is the flip side of companionship. I am exploring the flip side of marriage, relationship, partnership, shared household…all of it.
And I’ll be honest with you…recently there have been days when I am not sure I’ve done the right thing in flipping it all ass over teakettle. But it is flipped. And right now, all I can do is be with that. The loneliness. The fear. The uncertainty.
I am sitting with it all, welcoming it in, engaging it in deep conversation, getting to know this part of me that I apparently do not know all that well.