Now toddlers need coaches? Are you F’n kidding me?!?!?

This clip about toddler “athletes” has me so riled up this morning! My stomach is all knotted up. Honestly, I hate this kind of shit. Excuse my language, but I am about to get my vent on…click to another page if you don’t want to hear this.

Is it just me, or does this look like forced parental playtime? Do parents really have to pay $100 for an 8 week program where they are forced to play with their kids? “up…down, jump, jump, jump…” Oh Look, Johnny can swing a noodle at a balloon and I will think he might be the next Barry Bonds (but white and not on steroids…Mark McGuire then? D’oh, no, not him either..)

NEWSFLASH: Johnny would love to run around your house with a papertowel or wrapping paper roll and chase after a balloon, hitting it with all his might – if you let him! And the “tracking” with the flashlight? Really?!?! Make a fucking fort and play with a flashlight OR let them have a friend over and make a fort themselves and then play under there for hours without you checking in to see if they are ok.

It’s called unstructured play and they need it. Let them build the freakin’ fort themselves and they will eventually figure out that sheets are not as heavy as the wool blanket and they will then stay up better, or that stacking an empty shoe box on top of the blanket to keep it on the dresser isn’t effective and they need something heavier. DO NOT FIX THE FORT FOR THEM.

If you need to feel useful go pop them some popcorn and then sit your ass down on the couch and relax for a minute. Don’t pick up a magazine, book or iPhone or turn on the game or real housewives or frontline. Just lay there, with your kid and their friend in the other room and listen to them play – alone, without adult supervision or a fucking toddler “coach” (really, you need a coach to be a toddler?!?!) Enjoy eavesdropping on the little buggers…I bet you’ll learn something about them, and kids in general, and you might hear hear something funny.

Still rarin’,
Jessica
(3 time NCAA all american, 10 individual high school league championships, college and high school hall of fame member, child athlete, parent of 2, age-group, high school and college coach) JUST IN CASE YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW SHIT.


One thought on “Now toddlers need coaches? Are you F’n kidding me?!?!?

  1. Most ridiculous quote ever: “People let their babies just lay there and think that they'll just figure it out…” Um, yeah! They will! That's pretty much how human development and evolution works! None of my kids, my siblings, or myself for that matter, had sports training as infants and we can do all sorts of amazing things! We can walk, run, kick, swim, do Zumba…Jeezus, people really need to just let kids be kids. Sorry if we didn't develop into David Beckhams or Barry Bonds, but hey…I think we're doin OK.

    Like

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