Hello Dear Reader,
I was trying to figure out how I missed posting for the entire month of June. I suppose it has take me that long to a) decompress from the school year and b) halfway dig myself out of the piles that grew and grew over the 6-8 weeks before school got out under the auspices of “I’ll deal with that after school is over.”
I have also been thinking about what my purpose/gift in life is, if any. It is taking me a while to come up with something, but once I determine it I want to focus on living it. consciously. intentionally. compassionately.
You know, if I am honest, this hasn’t been going on for just the last month, it has been going on way longer…in fact the searching itself it may just be my purpose in life. Sags are seekers after all…;-)
A couple of years ago I was at dinner with 6 or 7 other women. All fantastic, successful, vibrant women. The question was posed ~ “what is your passion?” (We took “my children” off the list of possible answers, given that all of us who had children would likely have said that.) It was an eye-opening experience. All of them had an answer at the ready, they knew what their passion was – preparing meals for family, creating perfect living spaces, designing buildings, working for justice, music, and on and on. When it came my turn to answer I had a very difficult time coming up with an answer. Sure, there are a lot of things i am interested in, like reading, writing, research, wellness, finding balance, what makes people tick, but no one thing I could point to and say “That, THAT is my passion.” Grasping, the only thing I could come up with was “exploration.”
Exploration, maybe that IS my passion. I love to explore. From figuring out my physical limits in track, to exploring the athletic mind and what can limit it or make it grow, to studying the dynamics and politics of motherhood, constantly researching, searching, and learning about a thousand different topics. Some I write about, some I act upon, some change me, shift my direction in life, take me on a different course for a while.
Right now I am exploring creativity and how to find balance between obligation and freedom – or at the very least how to be happy with the division, knowing it will always be dynamic, shifting from day to day, month to month, year to year, lifetime to lifetime. Right now I am seriously experimenting with yoga and meditation as a means to achieve that elusive equanimity.
I have practiced yoga intermittently for over 15 years, and toyed with meditation just as long, if not longer. When I was a competitive athlete I regularly practiced visualization and guided relaxation, which are both closely related to meditation, in my book. As a psychologist and counselor I am naturally interested in the function of the mind and how we can alter it with our thoughts and intention.
As I write, I am visited by the pleasant thought that maybe now, right now, is the place and time where I begin to put all of these various experiences and “lifetimes” ~ athlete, student, wife, mother, woman, writer, poet, dreamer, teacher, yogini ~ together and (FINALLY?!?) learn from them and value them all equally.
In hopes that I don’t sound completely nuts,