If you are reading this after last week’s post thanks for hanging in there with me, Dear Reader. That last post was a doozy, wasn’t it? I am happy to report that the Pity Party is over.
I am finding that my tolerance for myself is pretty low these days. I get more easily frustrated with myself in terms of feeling bad about things that really don’t warrant the amount of time spent on them (like worrying about how many calories I am eating, how many calories I am burning, if I look like I have eaten that many calories and not burned them off, ad nauseum).
Wondering why I struggle to refer to myself as a “writer” is quickly becoming one of those things. It is now clear to me that it’s really in my head. The hang-up is all mine. No one has given me a scathing review (yet – I should be so lucky to be reviewed!) and my parents didn’t try to brainwash me about the merits of being a lawyer, doctor, or attorney. They really just wanted me to “be happy” – that’s what the sixties did to some folks.
My conclusion? The only way to get around this block I have is to go through it. Define, for myself, what being a “writer” looks like and make it happen. Why not?
Last week’s theme was “Recovering a Sense of Strength” and as I write tonight’s post I can see that is beginning to happen. Granted, every day is different. Shoot, every hour is different! But I am feeling more confident about my writing, more sure that I will be able to finish a project and more and more hopeful that some day, some how, someone will read this blog who is not related to me by blood or friendship and they will post a comment saying “Hey, I am stoked to read your blog! You Writer You!”
Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?
Back to Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength. Part of the reason I am feeling is stronger is this – Not long after posting my pitiful “What is my problem” post I printed out the 23 pages of a project I have been thinking of and working on a teeny tiny bit at a time since 2006. Mostly it is a few half drawn chapters and several pages of ideas/outline. I printed it out, took a deep breath and read it.
Lo and behold – I liked what I read! I liked something I had written! Truly, I thought I would print it out, read it and be like “Oh my Gosh, this is horrible!” But there were a few bits in there I really liked and it still draws me in. It is a story I want to tell. And now it is my next project.
I have a plan and a timeline and I am feeling pretty jazzed about that. Once I conclude the 12 weeks (+) of The Artist’s Way I will focus on this project primarily with the objective of finishing it. I have so many ideas and stories that I have started and never gone back to or tried to finish, so that is the goal. Work at it and finish it. To prove to myself that I can.
Then I will be one step closer to being (my definition of) a writer.