Second Childhood

Hello Dear Reader, 

As it is Sunday it is officially “Check-In Time” for week 3 of The Artist’s Way. This week’s theme was recovering a sense of power.  I initially recovered my sense of power by extending my week in light of the holidays and all that encompassed. 🙂
Here is my official check-in, for your reading pleasure: 
1) How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How was the experience for you? If you skipped a day, why did you skip it? I wrote at least three pages every day this week – more than three on more than on occassion! Whoo Hoo! That being said, I have yet to write my morning pages today…
I find that I will frequently pull my journal out when I am visiting my mom. She is usually either asleep or in her own world, so I use the time to just be with her and write about what is going on in the SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility), or wondering what she is remembering as she mumbles and screams. 
2) Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel? You know, I honestly thought this would be one of the easiest and tastiest pieces of the Artist’s Way pie – but so far it is one of the most difficult for me to accomplish. If I can stretch the definition of the artist date a bit I would say that I took my artist self out for a decaf and a muffin before I went to the gym on Thursday. I sat in a sagging, worn, comfy, blue leather couch and read the paper, watched people, and wrote a few pages. Does that count? I think I need to re-read the part about artist dates and get on this one! 
3) Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it? Hmmm…Sadly, I have to say “No.” Not that I wasn’t on the outlook for it! I love synchronicity and am always hopeful it will find me, but it didn’t this week. I remain hopeful.
4) Were there any issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them. Why yes, Dear Reader, there were, thanks for asking! 
One of the tasks this week was to describe 5 characteristics you like in yourself as a child. I hesitated to do this task, but remembered that the instructions are to pay close attention to the tasks that make you the most uncomfortable – or that you shy away from – and do those. So I dove in and was actually able to come up with quite a few things I liked about myself as a child like my imagination, my ability to entertain myself, my creativity, my confidence, my strong belief that my way was as right as anyone else’s way and my sense of humor. 
The thing that struck me the most was the amount of confidence I used to have. I began to wonder when it started to fade. Let me tell you a story – when I was in 9th grade I was competing (track and field, people!) in a big meet called the Central Coast Section (CCS) Top 8 meet. Supposedly this was a chance for the fastest folks in the section to go head to head early in the season. I was ready, I felt good, I was confident. My father (a track coach) was there and several members of his track team were there to cheer me on. They all said “we know you can do it! you can win!” and I believed them. I believed in myself. It totally didn’t phase me that there were older girls racing against me who had run faster than I had. I didn’t care. I knew I could win. 
And I did. 
After I won, I remember the same kids who had said “We know you can do it!” told me – “Wow! I didn’t think you would win! We were just saying that.” It gave me pause. But not too much, because later in the season I had made it to the CCS Finals where a top finish would get me one step away from the state meet. I recall driving over to the meet, looking at the seeds for my race and seeing how many other girls had faster times than I did going into the race. But again, I was confident. I remember saying out-loud to my coach – “I can beat them. I can run that fast.” 
And I did. I won the 200 meter CCS finals as a freshman! That was a big deal. 
Now that I look back, that was probably the last time I felt that confident, that invincible in the face of competition, that sure of myself and my abilities. 
In 2010, I want to become Confident Girl again.
Write On, 
J. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s